Relaxation

Read this through a few times for the general idea then practice until you get used to finding your safe place for yourself.

Work through it very slowly and pause between lines and numbers.

When you are ready, close your eyes and start to concentrate on your breathing.

Breathe through your nose, feel the breath in the back of your throat and feel the breath pushing out your chest and tummy.

Make your out breath longer than your in breath.

Your out breath helps you relax most.

Allow your shoulders to drop a little more with each out breath.

Count backwards with your out breaths from 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

When you are relaxing and breathing comfortably you can begin to notice sensations in your body.

Notice where you feel most comfortable – maybe it is around your chest or tummy or shoulders.

Imagine that comfortable feeling is caused by a glowing light.

Let the light, relaxing feeling spread through your body – down your legs and into your feet, making them feel warm and heavy.

Imagine all the tension being pushed out through your toes.

Let the light, relaxing feeling spread up your spine into your shoulders – down your arms and into your hands, making them feel warm.

Imagine all the tension flowing out through your fingers.

Let the light spread up through your neck, filling your head.

Feel your body tingle as tension leaves it and the light relaxing feeling fills you up instead.

Relaxation is like daydreaming. You notice words and sounds; you notice your body relax.

You still have thoughts and feelings, but you can still just slow down.

Imagine a place where you can feel safe.

It can be a real place or just somewhere you would like to exist in your imagination - just some place that feels nice to be in.

It should feel comfortable, pleasant and peaceful to you.

Now explore your environment – look all around you in your imagination.

See everything in detail – all the things that are in your place, the colours, textures and movements.

Look at each thing carefully and make it brighter and clearer in your mind.

Notice what you can smell and any good memories those smells bring.

Make those feelings stronger – notice the good feelings they give you.

Notice what you can hear.

Listen for every detail – the sounds which are close to you and those which are small sounds or further away.

Notice any feelings, sensations or impressions you get about your safe place.

Now add anything you would like to make your safe place even more comfortable.

You might want some kind of shelter or just a golden light created around the whole area to protect you.

There might be things that are important to you that you can put in there.

Arrange things around you as you want them to be.

Do this slowly.

Notice what you are doing in detail, how your body moves and feels as you look around and move things, and how good it makes you feel.

This is your safe place.

You can come back here whenever you like and stay here as long as you want.

You can make changes and add things each time you visit.

But it will always be your place where you will find calm, quiet and peace and a feeling of absolute safety.

Stress Management: Reduce, prevent and cope with Stress

Stress Management:

HOW TO REDUCE, PREVENT, AND COPE WITH STRESS

It may seem that there’s nothing you can do about your anxiety levels. The bills aren’t going to stop coming, there will never be more hours in the day, and your career or family responsibilities will always be demanding. But you have a lot more control than you might think. In fact, the simple realisation that you are in control of your life is the foundation of stress management.

Managing stress is all about taking charge: - of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule, your environment, and the way you deal with problems. The ultimate goal is a balanced life, with time for work, relationships, relaxation, and fun – plus the resilience to hold up under pressure and meet challenges head on.

Identify the sources of stress in your life.

Stress management starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life. This isn’t as easy as it sounds. Your true sources of stress aren’t always obvious, and it’s easy to overlook your own anxiety-inducing thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. You may know that you are constantly worried about work deadlines but maybe it is your procrastination, rather than the actual job demands, that leads to deadline stress.

To identify your true sources of stress, look closely at your habits, attitude, and excuses:

• Do you explain away stress as temporary - “I just have a million things going on right now”?

• Do you define stress as an integral part of your work or home life - “Things are always busy around here”?

• Do you define stress as a part of your personality - “I have a lot of nervous energy”?

• Do you blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely normal and unexceptional?

Until you accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining it, your stress level will remain outside your control.

Start a stress journal.

A stress journal can help you identify the regular stressors in your life and the way you deal with them. Each time you feel stressed, keep track of it in your journal. As you keep a daily log, you will begin to see patterns and common themes.

Write down:

• What caused your stress - make a guess if you’re unsure.
• How you felt, physically and emotionally.
• How you acted in response.
• What you did to make yourself feel better.

Look at how you currently cope with stress.

Think about the ways you currently manage and cope with stress in your life. Your stress journal can help you identify them.

Are your coping strategies healthy or unhealthy, helpful or unproductive? Unfortunately, many people cope with stress in ways that compound the problem.

Unhealthy ways of coping with stress.

These coping strategies may temporarily reduce stress, but they cause more damage in the long run:

• Smoking
• Drinking too much alcohol
• Overeating or under eating
• Spending hours in front of the television or computer
• Withdrawing from family, friends and activities
• Using pills or drugs to relax
• Sleeping too much
• Procrastination
• Filling up every spare minute of the day to avoid facing problems
• Taking out your feelings on others

Learning healthier ways to manage stress.

If your methods of coping with stress aren’t contributing to your greater emotional and physical health, it’s time to find healthier ones. There are many healthy ways to manage and cope with stress, but they all require change. You can either change the situation or change your reaction. When deciding which option to choose, it’s helpful to think of the four As: - Avoid, Alter, Adapt, Accept.

Since everyone has a unique response to stress no single method works for everyone or in every situation, so experiment with different techniques and strategies. Focus on what makes you feel calm and in control.

Dealing with stressful situations – the 4 A’s.

Change the situation Change your reaction

Avoid the stressor Adapt to the stressor

Alter the stressor Accept the stressor

Stress management strategies.

1: Avoid unnecessary stress.

Not all stress can be avoided, and it’s not healthy to avoid a situation that needs to be addressed. You may be surprised, however, by the number of stressors in your life that you can eliminate.

• Learn how to say “no” – Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life, refuse to accept extra responsibilities when you’re close to reaching them.

• Avoid people who cause you stress – If someone consistently causes stress in your life and you can’t change the relationship, limit the amount of time you spend with that person or end the relationship entirely.

• Take control of your environment – If the evening news makes you anxious, turn the TV off. If traffic makes you tense, take a longer but less busy route. If going shopping is an unpleasant chore, do your grocery shopping online.

• Avoid controversial topics – If you get upset over religion or politics, avoid talking about them. If you repeatedly argue about the same subject with the same people, stop bringing it up or excuse yourself when it’s the topic of discussion.

• Reduce your to-do list – Analyse your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you have too much to do, distinguish between the “should” and the “must.” Drop tasks that aren’t truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely.

2: Alter the situation.

If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Work out what you can do to change things so the problem doesn’t present itself in the future. Often, this involves changing the way you communicate and operate in your daily life.

• Express your feelings instead of bottling them up - If something or someone is bothering you communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you don’t voice your feelings, resentment will build and the situation will probably remain the same.

• Be willing to compromise - When you ask someone to change their behaviour be willing to do the same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little you’ll have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground.

• Be more assertive - Deal with problems head on, doing your best to anticipate and prevent them. If you have work to do and someone insists on interrupting, say that you only have five minutes to talk.

• Manage your time better. Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When you’re stretched too thin and running behind it’s hard to stay calm and focused. But if you plan ahead and make sure you don’t overextend yourself you can alter the amount of stress you’re under.

3: Adapt to the stressor.

If you can’t change the stressor, change yourself. You can adapt to stressful situations and regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude.

• Reframe problems - Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than being anxious in a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and refocus, listen to your favourite radio station, or enjoy the time alone.

• Look at the bigger picture - Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.

• Adjust your standards - Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.”

• Focus on the positive - When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts. This simple strategy can help you keep things in perspective.

Adjusting Your Attitude.

How you think can have a profound affect on your emotional and physical wellbeing. Each time you think a negative thought about yourself, your body reacts as if it were in the throes of a tension-filled situation. If you see good things about yourself, you are more likely to feel good; the reverse is also true. Eliminate words such as "always," "never," "should," and "must." These are telltale marks of self-defeating thoughts.

4: Accept the things you can’t change.

Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier than railing against a situation you can’t change.

• Don’t try to control the uncontrollable - Many things in life are beyond our control— particularly the behaviour of other people. Rather than feeling stressed over them focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.

• Look for the upside - When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.

• Share your feelings - Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist. Expressing what you’re going through can be very cathartic, even if there’s nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation.

• Learn to forgive - Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on.

5: Make time for fun and relaxation.

Beyond a taking-control approach and a positive attitude you can reduce stress in your life by nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s stressors when they inevitably come.

Healthy ways to relax and recharge:

• Go for a walk
• Spend time with nature
• Phone or see a good friend
• Exercise
• Write a journal
• Take a bath
• Light scented candles
• Play with a pet
• Work in your garden
• Get a massage
• Read a good book
• Listen to music
• Watch a comedy

Don’t get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury. If you don’t recharge your own light you can’t give it to others and may even need to take some of theirs.

• Set aside relaxation time - Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.

• Connect with others - Spend time with positive people who enhance your life. A strong support system will protect you from the negative effects of stress.

• Do something you enjoy every day - Make time for leisure activities that you enjoy, whether it be reading, playing the piano, or walking/cycling.

• Keep your sense of humour - This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress.

Learn the relaxation response.

You can control your stress levels with relaxation techniques that evoke the body’s relaxation response, a state of restfulness that is the opposite of the stress response. Regularly practicing these techniques will build your physical and emotional resilience, heal your body, and boost your overall feelings of joy and equanimity.

Find a quiet place and a comfortable chair.

Start by concentrating on your breathing. Breathe in through your nose deeply making sure your tummy rises and your lungs fill with air. When you breathe out make your out breath is longer than your in breath. This automatically makes you start to relax. Do this 4 times then breathe normally but slowly still making your out breath longer than your in breath.

Relax your muscles. You may be able to do this by concentrating on each muscle group in turn and consciously relaxing them, starting with your feet and working up. Imagine the tension flowing out of your body through your toes and fingers. If this is too difficult, clench each muscle group in turn for 10 seconds then allow them to relax.

Imagine a place where you feel safe and comfortable. Think about what you can see, hear, feel, and touch in detail. Think about how you feel psychologically in this place. If other thoughts come into your mind, push them away – remind yourself you can think about that later, this is your relaxation time - then carry on thinking about your safe place.

Stay like this as long as you can until you feel calmer.

6: Adopt a healthy lifestyle.

You can increase your resistance to stress by strengthening your physical health.

• Exercise regularly - Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress. Make time for at least 30 minutes of exercise, three times per week. Aerobic exercise releases pent-up stress and tension.

• Eat a healthy diet - Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress so be mindful of what you eat. Start your day with breakfast and keep your energy up and your mind clear with regular balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day.

• Reduce caffeine and sugar - The temporary "highs" caffeine and sugar provide often end in with a crash in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks, chocolate, and sugar snacks in your diet you’ll feel more relaxed and you’ll sleep better.

• Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs - Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Don’t avoid or mask the issue at hand. Deal with problems head on and with a clear mind.

• Get enough sleep - Adequate sleep fuels your mind as well as your body. Feeling tired will increase your stress because it may cause you to think irrationally.

References.

IP of

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_management_relief_coping.htm

Managing Adult ADHD

Adult ADD/ADHD:

managing symptoms and getting organised

ADHD is now well recognised in children in schools and colleges, but it is not by any means new. Many adults have grown up with ADHD undiagnosed, wondering what was wrong and why things never seemed to go right for them at school, in work, with friends and families.

Suddenly that diagnosis is there and many of the jigsaw pieces suddenly slot into place. The reasons you could not concentrate for long, could never remember anything, were being told you were slow, disorganised, kept losing things .....

Many other things can overlap with ADHD too, such as Autistic Spectrum Disorders, making social communication difficult, or Dyspraxia which may have made you feel unable to do all the things your friends could do – like riding a bike.

Other things can go hand in hand with ADHD such as Anxiety disorders and Depression – which may be how you came to finally get your diagnosis in the first place.

However, what do you do now? While you might understand now why things were the way they were in the past it doesn’t direct you to how you can improve everything in the future.

But there are some things you can do for yourself.

1. Support.

There are several organisations that provide information and support about ADD / ADHD – some local and some national, many online.

Try http://www.adhdandyou.co.uk as a starting point.

A good support network provides help and encouragement. Your doctor or counsellor may also be able to point you to local support. Sharing your experiences and listening to how others’ overcame challenges can be extremely helpful.

Let all your friends and family know – the more they understand you the more they can help.

Learn more about ADHD – try ADHD in Adults: A Psychological Guide to Practice by Susan Young and Jessica Bramham. Not a particularly light read but well laid out, lots of information and access to their website and downloadable programme helpsheets if you buy the book.

2. Be Healthy.

· You probably already have a problem with mood swings and organisation so decreasing stressors will increase your productivity and minimise your symptoms of anxiety.

· Develop a routine around going to bed - avoid caffeine late in the day, have a predictable, quiet bedtime routine, avoid watching television or working/playing on the computer until late, find a good but not too exciting (!) book and go to bed at the same time every night as far as possible.

· Eat more healthily. Be wary of processed foods, especially carbohydrates in the form of sugar as these can enhance your mood swings, feelings of anxiety and reduce your concentration further. Also the more of them you eat the more you will need, making the problem worse.

· Be as active as you can – you need somewhere productive to put your excess energy! Add exercise to your daily routine by walking instead of driving, taking extra effort with housework, running upstairs, pottering in the garden in nice weather (with the additional bonus of the fresh air!) Actively avoid getting sucked into addictive online games – you lose your day and any possibility of feeling better about yourself before you even know the time has gone. Even a few short bursts through the day will make a lot of difference.

3. Get organised.

· Don’t try to do everything at once. Choose a couple of easy things that you can change, like setting aside 10 minutes each morning to make a plan for the day and prioritise your jobs, plan in break times and times you need to be available for your children. Decide to check your e mail inbox only twice a day if you can.

· You will learn new skills as you go along. Don’t feel you have to do everything at once or try to be perfect – no one is! It will be too overwhelming and you will feel so much worse when you fail. Make your targets realistic – ones you know you can achieve.

· Remember - there will always be some people who are more organised than others – and there will be people without ADHD who are less organised than you.

4. Planning.

· Use an online calendar or organiser or buy a diary. Make it special and you are more likely to use it.

· Make a daily list. Set aside a few minutes each morning to write your list for the day. Plan in the things you MUST do and remember to plan in breaks for yourself. Be realistic about what you can actually manage to fit into your day. When you have ADHD you will find it easier to keep your tasks short or cut them down into smaller tasks to achieve the whole. Take a break of a few minutes between each part of a task – even if it is just a few minutes to rest and refresh your thoughts and energy.

· Review and Update your list each morning. Cross off the things you have achieved and add the bits that are still to do. Prioritise so you know what you have to do and leave off things that are not important or add them to another day so that your list is not overwhelming. Once it is written down you know you can’t forget but you also don’t have to think about it until it is time to deal with it.

5. Organising and filing.

· Set up a filing system that works for you. Use dividers or separate folders for different types of documents, label and categorise them (perhaps alphabetically) so you can find things easily when you need them. Keep on top of it! File it, do something about it or throw it away.

· Plan in time to file and sort things every week. Once you start it will feel more in your control and, over time, it will get easier to both deal with things and find them again when you need them.

6. Time Management.

· Give yourself more time than you think you need. For each 15 minutes of time you think it will take you to get somewhere or complete a task, add 5 minutes. Remember to add in travelling time and consider adding more time again to cope with traffic delays.

· Write down appointments for earlier than they’re really going to be – try adding in your travelling time too. Use online reminders or a clock to remind you of what you should be doing and when so that if you have been distracted you cannot forget.

· Be realistic about what you can achieve and make sure it is what YOU think you can achieve and not what someone else expects of you. It is too easy to underestimate how long a task will actually take. Consider that it will take longer - then any time left is a bonus! Otherwise you might feel like days have disappeared without you achieving what you set out to do, or you might feel you have too much to deal with and become anxious and overwhelmed so you cannot carry on.

7. Task management.

· Allow time between tasks so you can gather your thoughts. If you find your attention wandering during a task, especially if it is something boring or repetitive, do something else for a few minutes. Plan in frequent breaks, such as 20 minutes on task, then 5 minutes off.

· Break big tasks into smaller pieces. Take a break or a small change of task for a few minutes every 20 minutes or so. This is the length of time you might realistically be able to concentrate on one thing. Reward yourself for each achievement.

8. Money Matters.

· Plan into your daily/weekly/monthly diary times when payments need to be made otherwise they can easily be forgotten. Systems such as Google calendar allow you to repeat a task or appointment at regular intervals, including annually, so there is no excuse for forgetting it’s time to pay the TV licence or car tax. Additionally, if you pay everything by direct debit monthly or annually it’s all done for you. Keep an account of everything going in and out on your bank statement – and preferably do your own tracking and forecasting in an Excel spreadsheet so you are never caught out.

· Assess your financial situation – For one month keep an account of every penny you spend and where it goes. It’s time consuming but will give you an overall picture of just where your money disappears to and where you can cut back if necessary.

· Don’t allow yourself to shop on impulse. Shop with cash, prepaid cash card or debit card. Keep one credit card only for emergencies but put it somewhere safe – don’t take it out with you. Make a shopping list at home and stick to it and keep a running total of what you spend as you will forget later. Keep your till receipts safe for future reference. If you think you will be tempted by a particular shop or online site then stay away from it. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked into online games until you start having to pay for them – leave well before then and find something else to do.

Work performance.

· As you become more self aware about your ADHD you can make use of that knowledge to arrange your working conditions for your optimum comfort. Arrange an area or ask to work in conditions where it is quiet if that is what you prefer, or arrange to work with headphones on and your own music if possible. Plan one task at a time if that is what you need or organise a routine to follow. If your working conditions are too stressful and can’t be adapted it’s time to look for a change.

· Most people are more productive at the beginning of the day. Plan your day so the tasks that are most important and take most concentration are done at times when you can manage them best. Leave less important tasks for later and remember to take frequent task breaks to refresh your mind and refocus.

· Focus your energy on your strengths, not your weaknesses. If you're paying attention to your weaknesses, then your weaknesses are going to grow. That's why it's so important to pay attention to what you do well. You "grow" your strengths and talents by focusing on the things you do well.

· Don’t jump straight into a decision or task on impulse. Consider its importance and how much time you can allow it. Otherwise mistakes can happen and things that were important forgotten in the process. Plan everything!

Relationships.

· Focus on the speaker and on what is being said as the most important information you need to hear right now. If necessary, check with the speaker to make sure you got the information right. Try to make your questions and comments relevant. If you have something else to say you will get your turn.

· Pause after expressing each point in a conversation, and wait for a response before continuing to talk. Engage the listener, then listen carefully to the other person’s response.

· Rehearse social skills with a friend or support group, such as turn taking in the conversation - focusing on other people’s words and waiting for a response. Choose role models at work and in your personal life and watch how they communicate. Watch and practice interpreting body language and facial expressions. Try reading The Definitive Guide to Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pease.

· Becoming a good listener doesn’t mean you have to hide your knowledge or sense of humour, or not share in what is going on around you. You can be fun – and have fun without monopolizing the conversation.